Summer thus far:

1. Being a "seasonal cashier" at Lowe's. This entails a few duties that went unmentioned in the interview:

• Offering inquiring customers advice on such topics as pipe-threading, mosquito-repelling lanterns, and which small, steel piece of hardware shaped like E.T.'s head is best for building a new lazy Susan. Yikes! I don't think I could've picked a place where I know less about the inventory and services, but I just fake it 'til I make it (or just dump the customer on someone else).
  
• Being an ad hoc stock guy. Incidentally, my most recent brush with death occurred when they made me single-handedly unload freight, and a porcelain toilet bowl nearly fell on my unwisely uncovered head. Alas, Lowe's only gives its employees complimentary box-cutters, not complimentary hard hats.
• Tidying up the outside loading area, using Nifty Nabbers to pick up warped cardboard, snuff tins, seemingly used strips of gauze and other untouchables, a la community service-sentenced convicts. One of the loaders warned us not to venture too far into the nearby tall grass and weeds, since he once got poison ivy after wading through. He then suggested pouring gasoline on the problem area in the event we do start to see any suspicious rash developing, and that if you can get past the initial burning sensation, it's really quite effective in combating the condition. The fact that he was completely sincere is a bit troubling; needless to say, his home remedy is one I don't anticipate on ever using, unless a large bet is involved.

2. Quality time with friends and family. I usually use my free nights with them to scope out Fort Wayne nightlife, though I'm coming to terms with the fact that, apparently, I look like a high school miscreant trying to sneak into bars. For example, three friends and I were out getting drinks the other night, and the waitress specifically pointed to me, demanding, "Okay, I need to see your ID." I mean, I looked no younger than anyone else at the table! Sheesh. It was funny, but kinda weird. Oh, well. Maybe my immature, boyish, dare I say--winsome?--looks will actually come in handy one day!  Y'know, if I'm ever auditioning for a Kix commercial or something.

3. PLAYING MARIO KART. I'm pretty sure I'm addicted. *stands up* Hi, my name is Bryan, and I can navigate Rainbow Road blindfolded! (Not because I'm that good, mind you... but because I've been playing this infernal game so much, I can mentally map out any of the 32 courses on cue, item boxes and all.) Stop by my house and look for me--I'll be the guy sitting in the dark wearing nothing but boxers and Dorito crumbs, Wii remote in hand, staring at the TV with a vapid, bloodshot gaze. At least my thumbs are stronger and more dexterous than ever. And who can say no to a guy with good thumbs?

Japan in 39 days. Stoked.